For me, Mother's Day conjuers a lot of different memories. For the first few years I was a mother, it was a nice card, flowers and dinner out. Somewhere around the time my eldest was four or five, I received the usual and a beautiful pearl necklace.
I have some rather definitive views on gift giving, especially a gift from a man to a woman. Not everyone feels as strongly as I do, because in later years, I've come to know that gift giving is a love language and it is one of mine. I also show love by giving my time to people followed by acts of service. And my best love of all is surprise gift giving!
Author and counselor Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages, identified five main ways of expressing love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. As I said, my love language centers on gifts. If I have expressed love or care to you in some way, either time or a gift was involved. Perhaps both. I put a lot of time and thought into gift giving.
Sometimes, no often, I forget that the giving and receiving of gifts is not the strongest love language of others.
If you read the book, one of the things you find out is that not everyone has the same primary love language. One of the people I hold dearest to my heart has the love language of acts of service. This person will move your furniture, help you change a flat tire, inform you of something important that you may not know about. Gift giving is definitely not in this person's bag.
Because gift giving is such a big deal to me, I expected it to be understood that I appreciated well thought out gifts. Please never gift me with a gift card, no matter how pure your intents. My family also knows to not gift me with an appliance - which to me represents work you want me to do for you, even if that appliance is meant to save time. I don't want a vacuum cleaner or a stove or a washing machine. Those are, in my estimate, necessary items to a home and should be purchased as needed, not given as a gift (again, that's on me, no one else).
One year for Mother's Day, I received a DVD player. To be sure, it was a nice gift at the time, but it was not a Mother's Day gift. It was a gift for the family.
Mothers generally want something that is thought out and intended specifically for her alone. That is why a spa day, or jewelry or a book by her favorite author are terrific - the gift is intended for her and her alone. If you know your mother well, you would know the sort of thing she would personally enjoy but perhaps wouldn't go out of the way to buy for herself. I like perfume and I adore stationery. Right now I am using a set of gift cards from the Chicago Art Institute that are reprints of Monet paintings. One year for my birthday, my lovely sister-in-law got me a pair of earrings that were tiny water lilies such as the ones in Monet's pond.
I remember that spring day I received the DVD for Mother's Day. I tried to be gracious, but I doubt I came close. Inside, I was steaming and incredibly hurt. Somehow, I didn't think my spouse would understand why, and now years later, I am fairly certain he would not have understood because at the time we did not know about love languages and I did not recognize his. So instead, after a reasonable period of time, I told the family I was going out for the afternoon to the casinos about ninety minutes away and I was going to have some alone time.
I had been there about an hour I guess, when I hit it pretty big on the nickle slots. I won in the vicinity of $350. Not being entirely foolish, I took my winnings, came back to town and bought a new SLR camera.
Not all my Mother's Days were disappointments and it wouldn't be fair to make you think, dear reader, that they were all so disastrous. Quite the contrary, most were nice, a day off where I was treated like a princess. Those days were invaluable as days to recharge. For the mothers out there, I think you know what I mean, being a mother is a 24/7 event, no matter how great your spouse.
Besides the pearl necklace Mother's Day there was another, just a few years ago. First, I have to preface this with, in general, it sucks to have a birthday in May. Graduations, Mother's Day, Memorial Day, weddings - they all seem to hi-jack birthdays in May.
This particular Mother's Day weekend was no different. My daughter, who has a May birthday, graduated on Saturday, then on Sunday we went to a lovely brunch in the nearby metropolis. My oldest son was home, safe from Afghanistan and he gave me a box of postcards that were of the fairy tale castles in Disney lore (he knows I love castles and stationery); my daughter gave me a book of Irish folk tales (she knows I love Ireland) and my youngest gave me
I hope for all you mothers reading this that your day was beautiful and relaxing. I also hope you've come to know what love languages your family speaks so you can bless them and thank them appropriately, knowing that we all have different ways of expressing our love.
I now know some twenty-eight years after the fact the languages I receive love in and I really, really appreciate the gifts I'm given these days. Ah, so much older and a little bit wiser.
I hope your day was wonderful.