I started conducting a different experiment this week.
Four days ago, I was dreadfully ill. So much so that I barely got out of bed. My illness has been on-going for about three years now - about the time the company changed our insurance.
It started with a drug called Victoza. I went in to see the endocrinologist and he told me I was doing things the "old school" way. He switched me from R and NPH insulin to Humalog and Victoza. From the Victoza website:
The following percentages come from the studies in which people took Victoza only, not in combination with other diabetes medications; thus, these numbers probably most fairly represent the actual likelihood of Victoza causing these adverse reactions. In other words, the results are not skewed by the simultaneous use of other diabetes medications.
In these studies, the most common Victoza side effects included:
Nausea -- in up to 28.4 percent of people
Diarrhea -- up to 17.1 percent
Vomiting -- up to 10.9 percent
Constipation -- up to 9.9 percent
Upper respiratory tract infection (such as the common cold) -- up to 9.5 percent....
Yesterday, I went to a government agency to sign up for their job search portal. It is required by unemployment insurance in my state to do so.
They didn't have any jobs I was qualified for. I'm searching for a job that will be something I will enjoy and hopefully pay decently. I really don't want to go back into sales or health insurance if I don't have to do so.
So, I went to a job search engine called Indeed. You can put in your city, and a key word to match what you think you're looking for. I used "writer" as my key word.
I've been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy. I really like Shonda Rhimes the creator and producer. I started by studying how she built the characters. They do things I don't particularly care for, but those things often create the conflict that drives the story.
There was an episode I recently watched, where I had advance information about something that was going to happen, about a character who was going to die. I knew it. I knew how this death was going to occur. When the time came for the character to die, I was so focused on another character who was fighting brain cancer that I didn't even see the death of the first character coming.
It was brilliant. I learned so much about story from that situation.
Tonight, I watched another episode. This time it was just a different way of story telling. It was a series of flashbacks done in such a lovely frame that it didn't feel like flashbacks and it made sense. Three very distinct subplots were manipulated with ease in this manner - attending doctors lecturing about their intern days. Again, brilliant.
The story of the man waiting by the healing pool has bounced around some in my mind today.
According to the story, he'd been laying near that pool, every day for thirty-eight years. Thirty-eight years. Can you imagine it? Can you imagine waiting for anything thirty-eight years? Waiting in the wind, the rain, the cold, the snow. Waiting for people to show kindness to you by providing food or a warmth from a blanket. Did someone take him in, physically carry him into their home when the nights grew bitter?
The past few days have been struggles. I lack motivation and it takes effort to not crawl back into bed.
I combat these days the best I can, but sometimes I forget the tools I've been able to give myself.
Today, I remembered. I used my post-it-notes and jotted things down. I didn't get all those jots completed, but they are there to give me something to do tomorrow.
I was partially successful today because of my dog, Bolt. He's rather insistent about getting outdoors. I guess, when you have to go, you have to go. He gets in my face about it too. I think he has some sort of honed sense of when I've had enough sleep.
I've been diabetic for about twenty-six years.
At first they tried to control my Type 2 diabetes with diet. Unfortunately, it is difficult to use diet as a control when you live in a family where everyone else is not diabetic and expect things like cake and ice cream and donuts and bread and potatoes.
When you factor in not setting boundaries and not putting your foot down about what is acceptable and what isn't as far as diet goes, you make the problem worse. My family didn't really understand what being diabetic was about, although my oldest, when he was about six or so went to a class with me about how to carb count.
The lack of discipline in not following a proper diabetic diet is my fault. I didn't know how to say no to the people in my life, the very people I was responsible for feeding. I didn't draw a line in the sand and say this far and no farther. That is totally on me, ignorant as I was.
"Do you want to get well?"
That was the question posed this morning in church. "Do you want to get well?" The worship leader had just gotten out of the hospital and had been there for five days with a contagious condition.
That was the question the Master asked a paralyzed man who'd been that way a long, long time. The question was simple, but the man didn't respond with a yes or a no. He responded with an excuse.
"Do you want to get well?"
The question has bounced around in my mind all day long. It's a question that pairs nicely with wanting to be whole. The question was easy enough to answer, just one word needed. Yet, the question wasn't answered simply.
