Day 130 Steppin' Out

This depression thing is quite literally kicking my butt (or other words of choice).

However, I think I made a little forward progress today. For starters

I emailed the recruiter back and told him based on what he told me that I could not accept the position they wanted to interview me for. I didn't apply for it, it was a reach, out of the blue air for them to pull my resume and somehow think I fit.  No way, I don't.  I laid awake last night, going over everything in my head that he told me and as I was reviewing it I started to get knots in my stomach.  The kind that if you carry them for long are the beginnings of ulcers. No thank you. A perforated ulcer is what killed someone near and dear to me.

Day 129 Progress?

Shame on me.

I feel like I haven't made any real progress since my last post, so instead of writing, I hid.

I can't do that. I've done such a good job of writing every day about the things I'm finding out about.  So shame on me.

This post may be short, but it will be the truth.

Sleep has been claiming a lot of my time. I think it is because depression is rearing its ugly head and trying to devour me.  How bad is it? So bad that to avoid going to bed too early last night I watched Tremors 5.  Yep, I watched a bad series about the graboid worms and their life cycle.  Desperate.

Day 128 You Can't Always Get What You Want

Sigh.

That's a good sigh by the way.  I'm in my office, using my computer and my wonderful ergonomic keyboard and I have plenty of light and it just feels good to be working in this space at this time.

Yep, contented...sigh.

I've been doing a fair amount of reading of late.  Some "self-help" types of books. Been reading a lot on the internet too.  One of the things the authors seem to have in common regards the power of our thoughts.

When our thoughts are negative, we send out negative waves or "vibes" as the hippies of the 60's used to say.  The Bible tells us, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7).