I have made a list, yeah, and while I am not getting everything done on the list, I am checking things off and have even planned a few things for tomorrow and the day after.
This makes me feel like I am moving ahead, even if it is just a little bit at a time. Some of the things on the list are absurdly simple, things like taking a shower.
Showing may seem like a ever day necessity, but when you are depressed and don't have a desire to go anywhere, and feel the only place you can be is your bed, the thought of showering plummets to the bottom of the survival list.
I remember a conversation I had with my mother years ago. She'd been hospitalized at Walter Reed Army hospital near Washington, DC, and they new she was starting to make forward progress when she began to care about her appearance. When you are depressed, you don't care, your not going to see anyone anyway and so what's the point. I guess you could say that is the essence of zero motivation.
Other things on my list are things like taking care of the annual Christmas letter, doing some basic grocery shopping with an emphasis on organic veggies, calling specified individuals, and applying for jobs.
Jobs...that is a tough one. I'm finding out I am woefully behind on the tech end of things if I am being honest on the applications. Most entry level jobs want you to be reasonably competent in Microsoft's office suite. I'm great at Work, suck at Excel, am rusty with Power Point, and am not sure of what the fourth program even is.
The county has a program for becoming proficient with those programs and I plan on looking into those this month. At this point in my life, my college degree isn't doing me much good other than to show that I indeed went to college. I know in my heart this isn't entirely true, and I don't at all regret college or the time I spent there, or the ideas and books I was exposed to or the people I met. But, today it feels like that was a century ago (and it was in the last century) and the needs of business are so very different now.
And, it was something I finished, and I have, somewhere, the paper to prove it.
A random though from taking the supplements. I appear to have lost a couple of pounds. I can't say at this point, it is absolutely because of the supplements, or that this isn't just some crazy water weight loss, but it does appear to be two pounds in two days. And I am being hyper sensitive about making sure I am drinking plenty of water. I figured out that the bottle I'm using is three cups which I think translates to twenty-four ounces. I drink at least three of those a day, so I don't believe it is water weight. I'll have to keep track and see if the trend continues.
I'm tracking my blood pressure too. I am measuring twice a day, morning and night - more often if I feel any tightness in my chest or signs of angina. I mentioned that my medication has been increased and I'm giving it a week to see if the increase has any impact on the numbers.
I'll keep you informed, dear readers.