Day 168 The Power of P (Pt 1)

I've been busy the past few weeks filing legal paperwork.

It's a pain, but it's  necessary.

Filing these requirements has been quite the learning experience. There is an expected deadline and it doesn't pay to procrastinate.

Procrastinate is the first P I want to say a few words about.

Day 167 Stretching

Stretching is an important part of properly exercising.  Every time I work out, stretching precedes weightlifting, aerobics, and any sort of conditioning.

Physical stretching isn't the only kind of stretching I do.  I stretch my mind by reading. I stretch my spirit through worship, meditation, and instruction. I've stretched my capacity for love, for forgiveness and for empathy.  Interestingly, I've never stretched to a breaking point; the more I stretch those qualities, the more I'm able to stretch them.

166 Boundaries

As I work on myself, I am coming to grips with the fact that in the past I did a poor job of setting boundaries for myself.  I never had a "line" that said this far and no more.

Maybe that's because for many years I didn't need one. With my faith system in place, I knew what the boundaries were, and the people I hung out with had similar lines and so crossing them was never an issue.

Then came the troubles. They've been hitting me hard for nearly a decade and have certainly challenged me in ways I didn't expect or plan. Through recovery and extensive talks with my immediate family, I came to realize that somewhere along the way, the hard and fast boundaries I thought I had no longer existed in an absolute clear black and white.

Day 165 Celebrating

Recently, I just celebrated a milestone birthday.  They seem to come around about every decade.

Ten years has made a huge difference.  Ten years ago, my oldest was still in college, one in high school and one in middle school. Now they are all adults.

Ten years ago, I hadn't had my first heart attack.  I wasn't dealing with depression, or dealing with the long-term effects of diabetes. Today, I have flat feet, a damaged heart, and fight depression on a daily basis.

But, those three kids mentioned above.  Well, they are something special.  And they pulled off something special. 

Day 164 Out With the Old

With a recent hospitalization, I've come to the realization that I need to pare down, seriously.

I've three careers in my garage and basement.

For a number of years I taught middle school.  Just telling a friend tonight about some of the crazy things that happened to me early in my career.  

I entered a second career as a property and casualty phone representative and learned a whole lot about insurance, a career I revisited some years later.

My third career was that of a novelist and editor. I did a lot with romantic fiction. A lot.  

Day 163 Risking

In order to break some of my own personal boundaries, I have to be willing to try something new.

For the past decade, that is something overall I haven't done a very good job of. 

About five years ago, inspired / reminded by my brother of my desire to skydive, I took to the skies and plummeted to the earth. It was an exhilarating, unforgettable experience. 

Since then ...

Day 162 Of Bucket Lists

In a month or so I'll be transitioning into the next decade of my life.  At least I hope to.  This past month hasn't been the easiest and the future doesn't look like it is going to be all sunshine and roses either. Thing is, no matter what is in store, I have faith, tested as it has been, and that will get me through the hard days.

However, it doesn't stop my mind from "wondering" or "wandering" (or maybe a combination of both).  The kids have asked me about a bucket list, and I've pretty much not had one. Usually, when I want to do something, I take a good look at it, reverse engineer what it takes to do it, and then I make a plan to get her done.

Been that way pretty much my whole life, or at least my adult life.

Hospitalizations and complications from diabetes have given me occasion to rethink having a bucket list.

So, I've decided to put together a list.  So far, it is only one item long and I'm sure more ideas will come to me as I pursue this line of thinking.

Day 161 Trinkets and Treasures (Pt 2)

When you are dying it opens your eyes in ways you don't expect.

While it is true, in a philosophical sense, that none of us is guaranteed our next breath, believing you have very few of them left changes your perspective.

I mentioned in the last article that family came to assist in general cleaning of my home which I hadn't really been up to par to do for a solid six months.

Unbeknownst to me was that my sister would be emptying cupboards and china shelves.

Day 160 Trinkets and Treasures (Pt 1)

Again, it's been a while since I posted, and I doubt this one will be of my usual length, so I apologize in advance.

This month has been challenge filled to say the very least.  I've spent five days in the hospital and a couple of days in the emergency room.  Yep, days.

If I look back, the trouble really erupted, much like the two hot volcanoes spewing right now, about six months ago.  C and I had just come home and I took my little Chihuahua out for his evening stroll. A path we routinely take minimally twice a day.  The route is paved and fairly even; there is nothing remarkable or strenuous about it.

Day 159 Some Things I've Learned

I think I've said this before, but looking at the amount of time since my last post makes me feel ashamed.  There is no really good reason, and a lot of excuses, but what it all boils down to is me.

I read this quote today and it really resonated. It goes, Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember, a kite rises against the wind rather than with it. (Unknown)

Like I said, it really resonated.  I'm trying to get back to my "roots" and I realized a basic principal. Writers write.  Writers write every day.  It doesn't have to be good or pithy or even worth saving.  It is a discipline.  And just like a sport, or a hobby, to get good at it, you have to do it - often. You can't practice Taekwondo once a month and expect that you can break a board.

Day 158 On Coincidence

When I opened this page this evening to write my post, I noticed that it had   been exactly one month since my last entry.  I've struggled with aspects of this post for a couple of weeks now.  

Almost two weeks ago, I received a phone call and text message from my daughter telling me that one of  my favorite college professors had passed away. I wasn't surprised.

Day 157 New Year New Start

We're not New Year's Eve party-goers.  About the wildest thing we ever did to say good-bye to the old year was go to a Red Wings game at Cobo in Detroit.

Low key.  That's how we end the year. Sometimes we're lucky if we make it to midnight - although the fireworks usually alert us to the change into the new year.

Day 156 Ending the Year

                                                                                                    Wow, we just left the past year in the dust.  Was it a good one?

Did you manage to accomplish any of last year's resolutions?  Can you find at least three bright spots?
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Did I focus on the negative, no doubt about it.  But, the layoff also allowed me to attend my nephew's wedding and visit my oldest son in Baltimore, not restricted by return dates.

Day 155 Something Pithy Later

We've been rocking some high temperatures of late; this is the driest December on record.  The cold finally hit and it hit with the force of a Mike Tyson punch, dropping some forty odd degrees overnight.

That's okay, it is winter after all.  We had our first measurable snowfall a couple of days ago, and a little bit more today.  When the sun is out, though, it's easy to forget that the outdoor temperature is a mere twenty-three degrees, and with wind chill considered into the equation, colder yet.

Dat 154 Back to the Books!

Life is busy.  Shopping for holiday gifts, wrapping, mailing and going out and doing it all over again another day.

I don't know if I've mentioned it or not, but I think there are wonderful "finds" in gift shops.  My favorite gift shops are those associated with an art museum, but interesting shops abound, just about anywhere there is an "attraction."  My lovely sister-in-law got me these lovely Monet inspired water lilies from the Chicago Art Institute.

INow there is a new type of store I can add to my shopping list - antique shops.  C and I had great success yesterday at a shop that held about a hundred vendors. We found awesome stuff for the people we care about and made some interesting discoveries as well.  One vendor had, in perfect condition, newspapers from the early 1950's.  We discovered an attempt on the life of President Truman that neither of us had ever heard about.

A trip like this is great fodder for conversation as well.  It's an amazing time to find out how old your kids really think you are (LOL).

Day 153 Holiday Cheer

Things have been busy around here, as is often the case once Thanksgiving hits and the holidays arrive.

I can tell I am overall feeling better because I am finally getting things done.  I've foregone the usual Christmas letter in lieu of personalized hand-written notes in the cards. I've contacted insurance carriers regarding COBRA and Open Enrollment (which currently ends this week). I've attended three doctor appointments, baked cookies, shredded and tossed a good three waste baskets of unneeded paper items, gotten Christmas linen washed and onto various table tops, painted the deck, and have been consistent with drinking my concoction.

I've lost two for real pounds, and my blood sugar overall is a WHOLE lot better - we're talking 130 for fasting.

Last night, a group of us (nearly twenty) rented a limo bus and toured town looking at Christmas lights. 

One of the ladies used to own this company, and when it was sold she maintained connections with the buyer.  We got a great deal on this ride.  We were in the bus for about three hours, going all over town.

Day 152 Potporri

A little more of this and that.

C is stuffed up, feverish and in general, just miserable. He needs a couple of days of sleep which is not going to happen since they need every breathing body available for the close of open enrollment.

Hopefully the computer systems will be working properly.  It hearkens back to the days of the first open enrollment  where the state exchanges had massive web failures.  You'd think after all this time, properly working web sites and programs wouldn't be an issue.

This sort of thing is not uncommon, unfortunately.  Little tweaks have to be made each year - things like changing the plan year date, or the rates.  But, in two different companies now, I've seen that what should be simple isn't.  Updates break programs.  A little planning and a whole lot of testing should prevent overload failure but it doesn't.

Day 151 Getting in the Groove

Well, well, well.  Another post...of sorts.

I have made a list, yeah, and while I am not getting everything done on the list, I am checking things off and have even planned a few things for tomorrow and the day after.

This makes me feel like I am moving ahead, even if it is just a little bit at a time.  Some of the things on the list are absurdly simple, things like taking a shower.

Showing may seem like a ever day necessity, but when you are depressed and don't have a desire to go anywhere, and feel the only place you can be is your bed, the thought of showering plummets to the bottom of the survival list.

Day 150 Baby Steps

Today I noticed that I felt a little better. I think this is because my blood sugar level was close to normal this morning.  Great news, and hopefully, I'm on a better path.

Besides my feet and heart, the wild swings of my blood sugar have affected my vision.  I felt it change since Thanksgiving and so today I visited my eye doctor who specializes in retina issues.  I was pleasantly surprised as my vision had not changed as much as I feared.  I must remember, often times, fear is "false evidence appearing real." 

Day 149 Ashamed

I can't believe it has been nearly three months since my last post. Life has been busy, sort of. Things have happened. Depression has not been defeated.

So, I'll try to catch up a little bit and let you know about some of the dangerous living (or not) I've been doing.

Most recently, I had another stay at the University.  I went to walk my little guy and by the time I got home I could barely breath and my chest hurt - nothing like I have ever experience before. I went upstairs and took my blood pressure.

  It was 209/118 with a pulse rate of 115. A stop at Urgent Care registered slightly lower and they wasted no time in telling me I needed to get to the E.R. (my son was with me).